i think my tv is drunk
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
