I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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