Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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