Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Me. At least after what I've been through.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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