I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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