Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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