Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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