OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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