shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
