Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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