Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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