I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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