I think i sorta joined a cult last night
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
