I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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