so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
