You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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