It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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