Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
