It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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