Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
