sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
