If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
