I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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