apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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