Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
