a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
