Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
