we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize