Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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