redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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