You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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