I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize