i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize