I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
