ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
