I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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