vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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