im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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