Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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