I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
