He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
