you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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