my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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