okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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