If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
