you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm too high and old for this...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
