My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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