Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
