Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
