If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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