I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
