I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
