Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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