Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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