i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
