sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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