I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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