Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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