well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
