Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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