I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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