i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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