How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
