when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize