Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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