I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
