im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
