awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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