Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
