I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
