you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
