Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
